Tuesday, January 29, 2008

seeking- a note from my journal

...the world has gone after Him... John 12:19

Followers of Jesus abound on every continent. The religious leaders tried to stop Him, but they couldn't because He is God. Jesus is impenetrable. The wisdom of man is foolishness to God. Everyone tried to stop Him from spreading love, peace, and salvation- but they all failed. "The world has gone after Him." Whether we know it or not, we are all seeking salvation. Sometimes we think we're OK, satisfied with our lives. But then something happens. The world crashes over our heads and truth becomes skewed. Our reality is shattered and things or people we valued fall away. That is the moment we realize that something is missing.

We are all seeking salvation.

Some of us try to find it in books, in exercise, through our jobs, in religion, in thoughtful meditation. Those good things repair the problem temporarily, placing a band aid on the wound. One day the band aid won't be enough to cover the wound. We want to scream out of pain over our deep internal suffering. Some, like me, will be angry at themselves for letting themselves get this far, out of frustration at not being able to fix the problem.

The truth is, we are all seeking salvation.

When we recognize that the world is broken-unfair, hurtful and skewed, when we truly understand that life here on earth does not and cannot make sense, we will find it. Salvation. God will whisper gently, so softly that only you can hear. What He says to each individual differs, but to me, He said, "daughter, why do you struggle? You know that I am here. Let me come back inside and fix things for you."

I don't know what it is about the power of God that heals. I don't really even comprehend the power of the cross, what really happened when Jesus died. All I know is that I need it. Even if it takes the rest of my life to figure it out, I will continue to see because I cannot survive this broken world on my own. My independence, my strength, my intelligence will only get me so far. Until I once again reach the point where my pretty little universe crashed down on my head. My world has already crashed once, I won't let it happen again. I can't do it, hold up this great big broken world.

I desire to be saved from it; I am saved from it. What happened on the cross? Jesus conquered everything that I will struggle with on earth- the shame, the sin, mockery, betrayal- everything that tears my world into two.

We are all searching for meaning, for significance, for purpose. We are all seeking salvation.

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