be still my soul

Be still and know that I am God.. Pslam 46:10

I'm awful at this. I always want to go.. and do.. and go some more. I'm a planner. An organizer.

Lord, why can't I just rest in your presence?!

I'm in Palm Springs with my family for a few days, and as silly as it sounds, I would almost rather be home! Besides looking forward to numerous tennis matches with my dad and brother, I am dreading all of the down time. I want this little vacation to be a beneficial time of solitude, focused on waiting on the Lord for direction.

Holidays have a funny way of illuminating one's singleness, and it bothers me to be discontent over something like that. There are many places in my heart that I thought I had given up to God to let Him fill- only to realize that I held onto those desires more fiercely and quietly than before.

Will the day of rest and contentment ever come? Why won't I let myself be satisfied in Jesus alone?

the happiest holidays

This Christmas has been particularly special because a missionary friend, who I met in Thailand, was able to spend the holidays with my family. In one week, I've dragged Leinie around San Diego trying to accomplish all of the things she's never done before! So far, we've played in the snow in Julian, gone ice skating at Horton Plaza, been to Coronado, explored tide pools in La Jolla, visited with family friends every night, and played every game in my house! Now I am just being still. Waiting on the Lord. And the quiet feels so good!

tomorrow

i will be in california.

so studious

Huck studying for finals with me. Love.

"There is no such thing in anyone's life as an unimportant day." Alexander Woollcott

As of yesterday at 2pm, class is officially over for the year!
5 finals and then I'm flying back to my family.

This morning, my roommate was encouraged to pursue her walk with Christ from a UPS guy. He even prayed with her before she left the store. How can I love so intentionally like that guy?
Then, I found out that he goes to my church and belongs to the life group that I "didn't have time for" this semester. Man, I really have skewed priorities sometimes.

Tonight I am attending a Christmas performance at my church and I am praying about who to invite. Who do I know that specifically needs to hear from God tonight? I'm nervous about what God will tell me tonight.

Huck and I have been running around the Baylor neighborhood in the evenings to let out some of his exuberant energy and some of my stress. When I'm not yelling at him to keep up or slow down, its been a great time of worship and prayer. Last night I caught myself singing out loud because I believe that no one can hear me if I have ear buds in. Huck probably thinks I'm just a crazy old lady who talks to herself all day!

Now, finishing my third cup of coffee, I'm officially studying for finals...

truth

YOU created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise YOU because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

YOUR works are wonderful...!

Pslam 139:13-14

Sometimes it is easy to forget that God loves me and delights in me. I forget that even when I reject Him, He gently teaches me His consistency. When I tear things apart, He mends them together. In all my brokenness and rejection, He thinks I am beautiful. Because He made me to be in communion with Him, my heart is not complete without His love; and without His power, I can do nothing. Thank you Lord for treasuring me as Your beautiful work!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas..

I LOVE CHRISTMAS!

I love the smells. I love the cold. I love the annoyingly overplayed music. I love, and think its funny, how everyone who doesn't even know Jesus sings about Him. I love warm clothes. I love giving. I love the food. I love the decorations. I love the lights. I love the fact that people bring trees inside and decorate them (brilliant idea that people should do year round because I love trees!).

I love that families come together and actually spend time with one another. I love trying to make creative and crafty presents even though they never turn out. I love special traditions, even if they are not my own. I love the idea of a jolly man who spends all his time eating cookies and giving things to people. I love ice skating (even in CA). I love walking around the malls even if I don't buy anything.

I love that everyone smiles and says "Merry Christmas" to people they don't know. I love tacky Christmas pajamas. I love the mint M&Ms. I love stocking stuffers. I love the stories behind ornaments. I love seeing friends I haven't seen in years. I love carolling even though I'm not very good at singing. I love the cards with their yearly updates and photos. I love the movies (even the tacky ones).

I just LOVE Christmas. Thank you Jesus for being born, and thank you early Christians for deciding to celebrate the blessed event in winter and to incorporate other crazy pagan traditions!!!

(Photographs courtesy of We Heart It)

laugh a little

This is a video I took on my little digital camera of my cousin Joe and his little friend a couple years ago that never fails to make me laugh! They are totally serious and didn't rehearse or anything! Just watch Joe in the red and you are bound to crack a smile!

yes, I'm obsessed

procrastination..

.. is a phenomenal way to not only publish a few blog entries, but also a chance to sit down and think about all of the things you would RATHER be doing than what you are supposed to do.
For example, instead of writing 2 research papers, working on a presentation, and reading, I began working on a monthly budget for when I graduate. Lately, I've been really burdened with the desire to pay off my students loans as quickly as possible. Their ominous and completely impossible nature has been the source of stress as I wrestle in prayer about my financial future. At a recent luncheon, a close friend encouraged me with a story of a woman in our church who had a larger loan burden than myself, who, after a short year or two of living simply with complete dependence on God, witnessed her debts disappear! Praises!
I realize that if I am to truly be debt-free after a few years, I will have to throw myself into full trust that the Lord will provide for every need. Of course this kind of dependence is necessary as a follower of Jesus, but easy to avoid. Since childhood, I have struggled for independence, and made every decision to walk my own path, however rough or straight at the time. As much as possible, I strive to be self-supporting and cringe at the fact that money is such a necessary evil.
There is a fire inside blazing to constantly experience newness and become the brave adventurer traveling around the world. There are small aspirations and hopes about moving some place exciting after Baylor and jumping into a career. Maybe moving to Austin or San Francisco, or even Chicago- places which have intrigued me since I was young.
And equally present is the bold truth that I am tied down to a debt that cannot be ignored and must be paid. There is my home in San Diego with my loving family who promises to support me and encourage me towards a life free of student loans. I think there would be great joy at moving home besides the financial help. I would be able to spend more time with my mother, who has become my absolute best friend and confidante. I would be closer to the ocean which I love so dearly. I would be able to participate in my little brother's senior year of high school by attending his basketball games, taking pictures of him before homecoming, and just hanging out. These are just a few of many reasons why moving home would be amazing.
But can I ignore the fears? Of getting 'stuck in a rut,' not finding a job using my degree, lacking a solid community of friends who really love and follow Jesus, not meeting anyone to date besides the crazies I went to high school with (silly, but it's a concern!)..
Lies from Satan can be so believable sometimes.
I want to honor God with my life, and I know this decision will play such an important role in the whole direction of my future.
Officially, publicly, and fearfully, I am dedicating the following months to praying for this decision. No matter where I am, I know I am safe in God's hands working within His will, and will remain steadfast in His love. So, I suppose location doesn't really matter. I just want to know already! ahh faith....

currently loving

1. 40 degree weather

• playing tag with my dog

3. APPLE CINNAMON Glade candle

• instrumental Christmas music

5. Audrey Hepburn and Cary Grant movies

6. scarves

• white lights

• pumpkin anything

9. reading Hebrews

10. dreaming about coming HOME in 2 1/2 weeks!!!

Texas Turkey Day

You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. Oh Lord my God,

I will give you thanks forever!

Psalm 30:11-12

Even though I haven't spent a Thanksgiving at home in San Diego in 5 years, each Thanksgiving has been special in its own way. This year, my sister and I traveled to the capitol, Austin to feast poolside with our "cousins" (2nd cousins twice removed!) before driving up to Dallas for a few days to visit a good friend's mother. How neat that even in Texas we can give thanks with family- relations or not!!

THE POOLSIDE FEAST

WITH MY COUSIN NICK

NICK, LOOKING SHARP (HE DRESSED HIMSELF!)COUSIN JOE'S CLOSE UP

JOE AND I TRYING TO BE SASSY

UNCLE JOHN CARVING THE TURKEY

COUSIN MAKENZIE (ZZ) WORKING OFF THE TURKEY

ZZ AND SISTER NATALIE

the sweetest faces

These are the adorable faces of some of my kids at Mission Waco, an inner-city after school program. I work there a couple days a week and their crazy energy and loving hearts bring me joy.

-Carmischa (Mischa)-

-Corey-

-Griselda-

-Jose-

where I will be buried until Friday

meet Huck!

This week, a new addition was made to our apartment. After much debate, my roommate Jess and I decided to get a dog! (Well, technically, he's my roommates since my future location is unknown.. BUT he's basically both of ours until May).

Lucky for me, Jess is super busy with school projects and so Huck and I get to play all day together!!

Huckleberry Finn is a 9-month old retriever mix who is simply precious. Such a love bug, he cuddles and kisses like he has known us for years. He is completely potty trained and seriously doesn't bark. It's incredible.

Who would have thought the Waco Humane Society could harbor such a gem?

I can't wait till he gets his little stitches out so we can go exploring all around Waco! Adventures of Huckleberry and Jessica..

Meet my main squeeze:

Saturday night thought

"So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around?"

-Kathleen Kelly, Meg Ryan's character in You've Got Mail

made my day!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxlwYP0HNdc
you HAVE to watch this!!

read anything good lately?

Starting Dec. 17th, I will have 3 weeks of leisure at home in San Diego.
3 whole weeks of not being graded on my performance and knowledge! I'm compiling a reading list- a mixture of reading ahead for my British novel class for the Spring '09 semester, as well as a few pleasurable escapes, along with a pinch of theological classics. Since my reading-for-fun books have been limited this semester due to a heavy class reading load, any recommendations would be greatly appreciated!
.Three Cups of Tea, Greg Mortenson & Henry Oliver Relin
.C.S. Lewis Classics Collection
.Blue Like Jazz, Donald Miller
.Emma, Jane Austen
.Tess of the D'Urbervilles, Thomas Hardy

come and sit softly happiness

things that make me SMILE

coffee.
coffee with friends.
friends.
bicycles.
when my phone rings.
kartwheels.
grass.
the smell of outside.
acoustic.
books.
bookstores.
ART
gold picture frames.
thrift stores.
Psalms.
a clean room.
cooking something that tastes good.
large sunglasses.
happy animals.
hiking.
surprises.

flying

"If you surrender to the air, you can ride it."

Toni Morrison, Song of Solomon

I once flew amongst the treetops through a rainforest in Chiang Mai, Thailand. I long for a piece of those moments NOW.

distance doesn't matter

a message from a Thai student that brought a smile to my face and a prayer to my lips:

Hi...Jussy
how are you?

now,i have a vacation and live in my home.

next week my school will start again.

it just a short vacation.

what are you doing?

I very miss you.

my Saturday night

consisted of going to the grocery store at 10pm, looking up recipes online to cook for myself this week, and now trying to work on a paper. awesome..

"the journey"

I’m surrounded by people and yet alone.
I carefully watch, observing everyone around.
Wanting to scream that “I am here!”

How many times will I be at this place
Of longing, desiring Jesus to fill me wholly?

In between two competing worlds
Too young, and too old.
Barely out of my reach, I am left here,
Alone again.

This is the place of healing that I know too well;
Now is the time for repair.

A silent Presence soothes my soul,
As I dare to place my trust in the One who knows me.

With each tear, He covers my brokenness.
With each loving gesture, He beckons me to continue with Him.

And so I walk on.

solving the energy crisis

I love that I have owned my car for 6 weeks now, and filled my tank with gas for the first time TODAY!
YAY walking!

success unexpected in common hours

A few words from my favorite transcendentalist. Always an encouragement when having an 'I don't know what I'm going to do with my life' crisis (like right now!). This passage never fails to comfort the part of me that is never content to just be and sit still in one place, and continues to inspire dreams, creativity and originality. (If only I could foster such elegant words instead of merely quoting them!)

I left the woods for as good a reason as I went there. Perhaps it seemed to me that I had several more lives to live, and could not spare any more time for that one. It is remarkable how easily and insensibly we fall into a particular route and make a beaten track for ourselves. I had not lived there a week before my feet wore a path from my door to the pond-side; and though it is five or six years since I trod it, it is still quite distinct. It is true, I fear that others may have fallen into it, and so helped to keep it open.
The surface of the earth is soft and impressible by the feet of men; and so with the paths which the mind travels. How worn and dusty, then, must be the highways of the world, how deep the ruts of tradition and conformity! I did not wish to take a cabin passage, but rather to go before the mast and on the deck of the world, for there I could best see the moonlight amid the mountains. I do not wish to go below now.
I learned this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours… In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness. If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.
Henry David Thoreau, Walden.

hey, I went to Vietnam!

So, I forgot I went to Vietnam. And that I have a whole folder full of pictures. And that I slept out on the roof of a boat in the middle of Halong Bay. It was AMAZING!

Bicycles everywhere= gladness




color the world happy

heading out to sea

view from my cabin

HaLong Bay: a natural world heritage site. over 1,000 islands

fellow sailers

vietnamese 101

and the BEST part: kayaking through bat-filled caves, discovering small secluded pieces of heaven off the coast of Northern Vietnam.