what have I been doing?

As life ushers in each new day, I find that I am swept right along with the unremitting current of classes and work. Thankful to regain a daily routine, I continue the battle of time management while struggling to decide how to divide my hours between classwork, regular work (for money), relationships, and rest. (A struggle most are quite familiar with, I am sure).
Since arriving back in Texas, there have been two major developments that I can think of. One, is that after much stress, tears, countless prayers and days spent on Craigslist, I was able to acquire a car. The teal Camry is now part of the Shapiro family and is still awaiting its official christening (a nickname). Another new venture is a job with Mission Waco working with their inner-city after school program. I'm looking forward to hanging out with the kids a couple times a week and helping them find their God-given strengths this semester in addition to working part-time in the Baylor pre-nursing office.
When I'm not in class or working, I am reading for class. Exploring Robert Browning's poetry, Eudora Welty and Toni Morrison's genius, early Christian theological arguments, and late 19th century American realist works have kept me busy most evenings. Not to mention the hours of re-learning the Spanish language/trying to differentiate Spanish from my limited knowledge of Thai and French!
Being here with my sister has been a neat change to the regular Baylor scene. I had the opportunity last night to practice my domestic skills in the kitchen by cooking for her and her new "friend" Chris. Over spaghetti dinners and walks around the bear trail, Natalie and I are becoming familiar with the adult versions of each other.
One of the largest blessings during these few weeks has been spending time with my roommate and close friends that were dearly missed this past year. The Lord has truly answered my heart's longing for fellowship and deep community.
Texas is the same as always- which is a reliable inconsistency! The weather is hot and humid, my walks to and from class are beautifully calming, and my favorite coffee pot produces the same wonderful aroma each morning.
Each new day brings with it new opportunities and friendships that contribute to the greater picture of God's plan for me here in Waco. This morning's time with Jesus revealed this precious reminder:
"And you, He made alive...For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them." Ephesians 2:1, 10

delightful

Because of a freak Texas rainstorm this afternoon, I walked home from class barefoot (approx. 1 mile). And it was wonderful!

such a bummer.

i lost my camera. i can't find it anywhere. i feel like i lost a limb.

simplicity

Sometimes I just want to sell everything I own and walk around the world giving hugs..

I know this is not practical, and may not solve anything and I'd probably wind up in jail somehow. (And I would look as ridiculous as Will Farrell in the movie Elf).

At the recommendation of a childhood friend, I am reading Shane Claiborne's Irresistible Revolution.

I can't even sleep because I keep thinking about what God created me to do, how I can change the things that I don't like about the world, and how all of my passions and dreams can become a reality. {Also, learning what exactly my passions are!}

This morning's breakfast downtown with one of my favorite people lasted hours as we threw around ideas about how to improve the quality of life of the poverty-stricken, the hopeless, the discouraged.

A part of me is frustrated with just telling people that they need a Savior when they are physically starving to death and have no roof over their head.



I want to go somewhere. Simply live like Jesus did. Live Simply in deep community and fellowship. Loving God by loving people like crazy.



So now I want to sell everything I own and just move to Mexico or India or just plain DO SOMETHING that will help someone. BUT.. I have to go back to school. Back to Baylor, back to overwhelming materialism, back to homework, back to bills, back to reading books that I do not choose. I'm trying not to feel stuck, to be faithful to flourish where God has me.





The obvious question now is how do I best follow Jesus in Waco Texas at Baylor University?



I know it will be something God-sized.. (which could be very small, but powerful). I know that if I will actually stop and listen to the Spirit, there will be too many opportunities to love and help those who need it.



And I'm excited. And scared. And ready for something more.

reflections on the day

It's past 10pm on Sunday night. Nearly everyone who loved and supported me this past year in Thailand came over this evening to celebrate God's goodness and His global movement.
How amazing to see so many faces of people I've known since childhood, families that have been praying for me since I was a baby.
With the help of several humble friends and my family, I think this afternoon/evening was incredible for me to witness. Just being able to look out on a gathering of those who genuinely pursue Jesus and desire to follow Him daily was an overwhelming blessing.
I feel so lucky to even know so many individuals who serve and give, living out their faith. I was asked today: what is one way that now looking back I could see God work?
One unexpected thing the Lord has shown me was the power of giving. He proved the story of the loaves and fish. He multiplies. He exceeds my expectations and my dreams. From the resources He entrusted to a few of His children in the US, He gave to a young girl with a vision, to who He then provided the opportunity to bless nationals around the world who sacrifice so much for the gospel. The power of giving.
I want giving and serving to be a compulsion, a necessity that will far exceed any job I will ever have or anything I decide to do with my future.
Thank you to those who continue to shower me with Christ's love, and to those new friends who are refreshingly encouraging. Even though the party is over, and I am officially moving on to the next phase, I look forward to spending more afternoons deepening relationships with good food and great fellowship as we all continue on this amazing journey!

oh, time

Since I've been home, my largest adversary has been time.
Some days, there is hardly enough minutes to take care of needs, eat, and spend time with the people around me.
However, most days, I have too much time. Time to do anything. But, that's where I get stumped. Lately, I've been passing the ominous time by having extra-long morning devotions, going to the gym, cleaning up after people around the house, researching cars on Craigslist and bothering whichever sibling happens to be home at the moment.
When I have too much time, I tend to be less-productive, and less-eager to make plans. I don't quite understand it.
It is a little challenging to do much outside my home without regular use of a vehicle, and as I get older, there are fewer friends in the area to visit anyways.
This month, I think that God is teaching me how to just be. Just to rest in His presence and be content in all circumstances.
I know it is rare to have too much time these days, and I'm starting to view this month as a precious gift of time to connect with people, and be open to whatever the day unfolds.
It's really quite thrilling to think about the possibilities. Even if I am presently just sitting by myself on the couch with no plans for today!

back in the 760

I've officially made my return to my "home, home" in the 760. With a warm welcome at the airport by family and best friend, (including embarassing signs, which I loved!!), my homecoming has been so fun and relaxing. I am excited to catch up with everyone here for the next month! Yay for home!

Kaew and Eve

This week on campus is my last chance to spend quality time with my students. These girls have been an absolute delight to get to know, and they have become dear friends.

On Wednesday, we had a little camera fun:

KAEW (pronounced "Gow"): fun-loving, super cheerful, always positive, could easily fit into my pocket!



EVE: new sister in Christ, always available and anxious to hang out, future roommate in America (when she comes in 10 years!)

more pictures of Cayla's visit

More evidence of our fun tiaw in Chiang Rai in the beginning of the month..

I'm almost home...

This is my last week in Chiang Rai.
My last week. The finality of it is just now hitting me.
After nearly 11 months, I am going "home."

Home in itself has become ambiguous. Once leaving my hometown Escondido after high school graduation over 4 years ago, home became Waco, Texas. Upon returning to San Diego each year to visit family and friends, home evolved from a small rental house to 2 trailers on our property, since my parents sold my childhood home in order to build a dream house across town. Each year at Baylor, I moved apartments and traded roommates until deciding to come to Thailand.

Here in Thailand, home is a two-story store that we turned into a living space. Most of our downstairs walls are steel roll-up doors, all tile floors, the upstairs bathrooms produce water only at night, and our air conditioning is 4 fans scattered throughout. However different from any home I have ever lived in, this place too has become my home.

In just a couple weeks, I will be returning back to California. Back to my native home, back to my first language. To be honest, I am so excited and ready. There have been countless times this year when I would dream of going home. When I struggled to understand my teammates, grew tired of eating Thai food everyday, paid thousands of baht to get our crappy car fixed, and coudn't breach language barriers, I could not think of anything better than crying my eyes to my mom while curled up on our family room couch. Ironically, those hard times always happened at 2 or 3 pm here, when it was impossible to call my loved ones to receive comfort.

Those times of struggle were when I actually felt the distance of 8,000+ miles. I would like to think that during those times, it would be natural for me to rely on God, to open His Word, to completely rest in His presence. But, it's not. However, I had no choice but to go to the Father to meet my needs, give me perspective, and satisfy my longings for companionship. And truthfully, He really did. I won't pretend that it has gotten any easier, but when I think of all the opposition that Jesus faced, the loneliness He beared on the cross, and how He actually even conquered death itself, it makes me feel like the things I have experienced really aren't "that bad."

When I go home, I really hope I can take a parts of Thailand with me (not just my oversized suitcase of souveniers and decorations). But, I am serious about incorporating the parts of my Thai home into my American life. One of these is community meals. Thais do everything together, especially eat. Their mealtimes aren't just a time to fill one's stomach, but instead a sacred time of fellowship to share life with one another. I don't know what this would look like back in the States, especially in my small apartment in Waco, but I am going to seriously try. Maybe it will be regularly inviting people over for a meal instead of eating out, I'm not sure. I actually tried that out last year, but it became reality only once!

Of course, with all the joys of returning to the US, there are also many fears. One thing that I seem very good at is getting into transitional places. I'm not saying that I am good at transitions, but that I seem to be in them ALL THE TIME! Although I have made transitions to different states, homes, and cultures, I think this one may top them all.

In July I will fly to CA to spend a month there adjusting to the time change, seeing family, friends, and supporters, going to doctor and dentist appointments (it's been a year, remember!), and finding a new car amongst other things since I sold my old one before leaving last year. Because I have one more year left at Baylor, I will be taking off for Texas with my little sister Natalie (yay!) in the beginning of August. I am very excited to move into yet another new apartment with a sweet friend that I came to know before leaving for Thailand and attend new classes, which, this semester, are mainly literature discussions taught by my favorite professors.

With all of the newness though, I remember that because I chose to answer God's call to come to Thailand during what would be my senior year, all but 3 close friends graduated this past May. So, it will be a sad return in a way. Definitely more quiet, and I'm sure my free time will be greater than when I left.

Suffice it to say, this transition is looming over me, inescapable. I'm approaching it with anxiety, but I wish to view it as a manifold opportunity. I know it will be a great opportunity for God to bring new people into my life, to provide new ways I can serve Him in SD and in Waco, to learn new passions, and just to enjoy this gift of life.

As we have all heard, home, after all, is not a place, but a state of the heart and the people that surround you.